Back in the Saddle Again

After a long hiatus away, I am back. Can't promise that I'm better than ever, but I'm back and ready to pour out my thoughts onto this dear old blog.

What's up with the hiatus? I got married and have done my best to survive as a chaplain resident for the past 14 months. I've simply been too busy. Sorta. I mean, I'm paying for that Netflix account, so it seems like I should use it. Perhaps watching the entire series of Alias in two weeks might be a little much, eh?

The truth is I spend my days in the hospitals and have been so emotionally drained, all I can do is come home at night and do anything but write a blog post. Go for a run? Yes, sparingly. (It is hot in Texas!) Play in the garden? Of course. Take muh dawg for a walk? Absolutely. But writing has just not happened.

Part of the reason is that I'd be tempted to write about my adventures as a chaplain.  There is so much material to write about when you spend your days at a children's hospital and even more so at a psychiatric hospital. Let me just say that HIPAA laws are scary and I don't have the complexion to pull off orange, so I'll avoid jail for the time being. I thought it would be best to respect my patients and their right to privacy, by not sharing all their stuff on the web.

I could have written about marriage, but I'm sure my partner would also appreciate privacy, so let's pretend there's HIPAA for marriage. We'll call it MIPPA (Marriage Insurance Portability and Accountability Act).

I don't yet know what this blog will look like. I hope it will incorporate thoughts about theology, loving our neighbors, gardening, books, life in Central Texas and muh dawg. Can't say for sure until we get there. Whatever comes of this project, I'm hoping it will ignite a tiny bit of joy into your heart, whether I'm telling about an act of kindness I saw, or some plant I managed to kill in the garden. Cheers, friend!

Gross Day

Today was one of those days when I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. I'm currently working on a paper on atonement, an assignment that has got my head spinning. I thought I had a grasp on it this afternoon, but when I sat down with it again this evening I was lost. I fought the urge to keep working on it into the wee hours of the night, but I decided to go meet up with an old friend who is in town. Sometimes taking a break is a good thing. After seeing friends and being reminded that there's more to this seminary thing than cranking out papers, I felt recharged and ready to go.

And then my dog rolled in shit.

The stress and frustration of the day came pouring back in. I was on the verge of major tears as I hosed her off outside, realizing it was going to take several baths to get the stench out. I cussed under my breath as we walked up the stairs, realizing that my apartment was going to stink because of my dog. And then I calmed down as I bathed her, realizing that she's a dog. Dogs roll in poo. This 10 minutes of bath time turned into a reflection time over my day.

I thought about how wonderful it was to drink my tea this morning.
About how much I enjoyed my classes this morning.
I thought about my friend who took the time to tell me about her understanding of atonement, which gave me great insight.
About the break I took from writing when I picked up my clarinet and worked through the major scales.
I thought about how much I love having classes with close friends and with people I don't know very well.
I thought about the two hours I spent at the public library this evening, trudging through my paper, but loving the sound of children giggling at the book they were reading.
About how much I enjoy conversation over beers at the Local, and how sad I'll be when all but three people at that table tonight will be leaving next year.
About awkward, wonderful hugs in the middle of the street.
And I thought about how grateful I am for a patient boyfriend who is willing to help me walk the dogs.

It seems peculiar that I close out this day thinking it was a not so great day, when really the list indicates that there was a great deal of beauty in it.

For that I am grateful.

A Letter From Chloe

Chloe is summering up in Colorado because it is too hot here and I'm in my apartment about 1 hour each day. So to make sure she isn't neglected, she is spending time with my parents. I got a letter from her this weekend and it sounds like she is doing well.



Dear mom,
Camp is fun. They let me out any time I want to go out and sometimes they forget I'm outside and let me stay there while they run errands. I don't mind. It feels good on the patio.
Today I went on another field trip. Grandpa took me to his work. I captured and killed a squirrel and brought it to him for a trophy! I also rolled in something that smelled really, really good so when I got back, Grandma had a surprise for me - oatmeal bath soap! I was pretty good to take a bath - I know I needed one before I arrived, but this made them give me one. I only shook twice. And then, after it was all over, I got a new chew bone! Of course the first think I wanted to do was hide it in the garden, but Grandma wouldn't let me so I brought it inside so I can stare at it. I do feel better now that I am clean. The things I have to do around here to get attention!

I miss you and I still go up to your bedroom to wait for you. But then I get bored and so I go and sleep with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma moves my bed into their room every night! Boy, you can't beat the service at this camp!

Love and kisses forever,
Chloe

Do you like what I've done with the place?

No, I haven't redecorated. This is what happens when you buy assembly required furniture, disassemble it, drive it across the country and reassemble it in your new apartment. Said furniture will decide to collapse causing quite a raucous at 3am when you are peacefully sleeping.

This was the first moment when I felt even remotely afraid since moving here to Austin. I sat up in a panic thinking someone was breaking into my apartment, and had to nudge Chloe to wake up and go investigate. Good thing she isn't called to be a watch dog, given her pitiful efforts last night. Miraculously nothing was damaged (big relief since my bike is parked in front of it) and I think I can even salvage half of the shelving unit.

The funniest part of this situation is that this mess will likely remain this way for a least a few days if not weeks until this semester is over. Tonight a friend told me about women who, following trauma in their lives, get some weird motivation to move all of the furniture around in their house. She and I agreed this is bizarre behavior, since I am usually paralyzed after trauma. Not that this semester is traumatic or anything...

72 degrees and nothing but blue skies

Today in Austin was so incredibly beautiful, it seems unfair that it hogs all the great weather while the rest of the world suffers. Kristi and I ventured to the dog park on Town Lake...




Macy and Chloe found a buddy.






This dude was taking a bunch of pictures and Chloe was trying desperately hard to be photographed.

Time to clean out the junk drawer that is my brain

Allen Andrande was sentenced to life in prison for killing Angie Zapata- a transgendered woman from Greeley. I watched the press conference last night and was moved to tears when her family was speaking about how much they loved her and miss her. Fortunately Colorado decided that transgender folks should be protected under hate crime laws, but unfortunately that isn't the case nationwide. Hopefully this is one small step towards equality and justice for all.

The Nuggets are smokin' hot right now! I went to a game with our Dreamers a few weeks ago, and while I still don't love basketball, I do enjoy this team.

Yesterday I had to explain what diarrhea is to a third grader. It was awkward.

I just finished reading Taking Back God: American Women Rising Up for Religious Equality by Leora Tannenbaum. I feel like this book addresses so many of the issues that have frustrated me lately. She takes a look at Muslim, Jewish and Christian women in America who are oppressed by their religion/church/faith because of their gender. A personal example of this: two Sundays ago our pastor announced that I received a merit scholarship to attend Austin Seminary. After the service, one of the oldest members of the congregation came up to me and said "you're gonna be the prettiest pastor in the church". I was briefly flattered by the complement, but more frustrated by the fact that women are judged by their appearance, not their smarts. I wanted to remind him it was a MERIT scholarship not a beauty pageant.

This morning I was walking muh dawg and we were both quite surprised to discover a pot roast sitting on a fairly fancy plate in the middle of someone's lawn. Chloe very much wanted to scarf it down, but I told her that it isn't smart to take pot roasts from strangers.

Our Dreamers piked up trash around our community center for Earth Day yesterday and I was quite shocked at how excited they were to do it!

I've become a big fan of this website.

25 Things

At first I was really annoyed by the "25 Things" note that has been circulating Facebook, but now I kind of like the idea. Rather than post there, I've decided to post it here, partly because I'm weaning myself off Facebook (Thanks Bryce for the inspiration) and partly because the people I care about most read this blog (particularly my cabinet of advisers- you ladies know who you are). Here are my 25 things.

1. I just had my phone interview with the admissions person at Austin Theological Seminary and am beginning to realize that the paths in life that scare the shit out of me are usually the best ones to take.
2. I was the first girl at Lincoln Preschool to get a timeout for kissing a boy in class.
3. When I'm sick I like to throw my used tissues near the trashcan, but not in the trashcan until I'm healthy. I don't really know why, but I do love to see how many Kleenex's I can go through.
4. I'm planning a trip to Prince Edward Island with my friend Jessie to visit "The Land of Anne". I'm secretly hoping to meet my own Gilbert there.
5. My biggest pet peeve is women/girls/teens/tweens who are thin to begin with, but claim they're too fat.
6. My VHS tapes of Pride and Prejudice (BBC Version) are starting to wear out.
7. During my three years in college, I lived in 6 different dorms/apartments.
8. I desperately want to move back to the South and wouldn't mind ending up in Jackson, MS.
9. I'll be spending Valentine's Day in Washington D.C. What could be more romantic than spending that day in the capital of the country I'm starting fall in love with?
10. I am notorious for keeping library books way past their due date, which is why I still work at the library in order to keep the perk of no overdue fines.
11. My first CDs were Shania Twain, Seal and TLC.
12. I do fine with public speaking in most venues (PDA camp, tutor trainings/presentations etc.), except for my church. Not sure why that is.
13. I can't keep plants alive.
14. I woke up at 4:30 this morning (on my own, no alarm clock) because I couldn't wait to watch last night's episode of LOST online. Pathetic.
15. I've skied since I was 6 years old, but I still hate black diamond runs.
16. I'm a big believer in kindred spirits and bosom friends.
17. I own three pairs of Crocs, but didn't pay for any of them and never wear them anymore.
18. The IRS only knows about 4 of the 7 jobs I had last year.
19. I HATE the word suckle.
20. I normally don't read self-help books, but I'm currently reading He's Just Not That Into You and am surprised by how much I'm enjoying it.
21. I could be perfectly content with eating the exact same thing every day- I love consistency.
22. I only wash my hair once or twice a week because I find it too much of a hassle. It is great for saving money on shampoo, but I think I might have more friends if I washed it more often.
23. I can't remember what I did on my 23rd birthday, which was only 8 months ago.
24. I got a gift certificate to a spa, but I don't really like to be touched by strangers. I booked a manicure appointment thinking it will be the least uncomfortable treatment.
25. I'm the type of person who has a few very close friends (vs. a person with many not-so-close friends), but muh dawg Chloe ranks #1.

Cleaning out the junk drawer

Every six weeks or so, I empty out the junk drawer in my nightstand which accumulates all the stuff that I like to put off to take care of later. Today it occurred to me that I've created another "junk drawer" in the form of my blogger account since I've become really good at starting posts without finishing them usually because I don't think the topic is worthy of posting. Consider this a cleaning out of my blogger junk drawer of all the randomness that has been going on in my head in the past two months.

Colorado is really dry. I think I managed to use the same tube of chap stick the entire time I was in Mississippi where the humidity kept my lips moist and healthy. Colorado is radically different. I think I've gone through 4 tubes of Burt's Bees since I got back here in November. If I keep this up, I'll probably have invested enough money in chap stick to pay for Burt's condo in Aspen and a deluxe hive for his bees.

Muh Dawg Chloe has three passions at this point in life: chasing my mom's cat, creating yellow snow and hiking. She and I only share one common passion and I hope you can correctly guess what that is.

If I were wealthy enough to move up to a ski town (which will probably be never) I would definitely pick Winter Park because the people are great. They are friendly and down to earth and quite laid back. I've been fortunate enough to meet several Winter Park/Fraser residents while volunteering with NSCD and thus far have not meet one that I didn't like. Last week I met the aunt and uncle of the husband of a woman whose parents go to my church. We started talking up a storm about their nephew and wife even though I don't know the couple very well and couldn't tell you their last name! Despite that, I felt like I was chatting with old friends whom I've known forever.

One of my toenails fell off the other day. No warning at all, just fell off. When I ran a 10K three years ago, I had a toenail fall off, but I knew it was coming because it was black and hurting for weeks leading up to the race. I'm not sure what the cause was this time. I should probably look into figuring that out.

The last time my parents and I ate at Red Robin, a hilarious though unfortunate event occurred. There was a birthday at a table across the restaurant and the waitress was bringing over a special dessert with a balloon tied to the fork. As she walked by our table with the beautiful dessert, the balloon got caught in a ceiling fan which ripped the balloon out and took the fork with it. The fork then proceeded to sail in the air and hit a male patron sitting at the table behind us. As far as I could tell, he was fine, but the waitress was a bit embarrassed as nearly the whole restaurant burst into laughter.

Forbes has named Boulder, Co as the smartest city in the U.S. for the second year in a row. Longmont was not named number one for obvious reasons. Here's an example: our newspaper, the Daily Times-Call has a forum called the T-C Line where readers can call in and anonymously give their opinions about topics. Sometimes there are really smart comments but most of the time the callers are not so smart. My favorite recent entry from Saturday 2/16: "I was wondering where Obama was born, because if he wasn't born in the United States, he's not eligible to be president". The editor added a note about the requirements for eligibility to be president and stated that Obama was born in Hawaii. I really hope this caller is an eight year old who is learning about the U.S. government in school, otherwise, I'm really sad for this adult who either doesn't realize that Obama probably looked into the requirements before spending a boatload of time and money on his campaign, or else the caller doesn't know that Hawaii is in fact in the U.S.

On Valentine's Day 2004 I was a Freshman in college and I had an odd conversation with a friend in the dorms. She and I were talking about guys and our relationship histories. To make a long story short, she came up with a theory to explain my lack of dating. She called it the _____ Curse which stems back to my Elementary School days when I had a boyfriend who's name I leave blank in order to save what dignity he has left. To this day I still have no idea why I did it, but during recess one day I kicked him in the genitals and left him doubled over and crying on the playground. Even though he forgave me for the incident I still feel really guilty and wish it never happened. So, fast forward to the conversation in the dorms. My friend (who is very into astrology and tinkers with witchcraft) believes that the lack of dating in my life is a direct result of that incident on the playground and the universe has sent out a message to all guys warning them about me. Thus they avoid me in order to be spared similar pain. I laughed at her when she came up with the idea, but who knows, perhaps there is some truth to it.

In high school I used to pretty much only listen to Christian music. I definitely don't have the same philosophy today as my iPod has songs like "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry and "When I Get You Alone" by Thicke. Both are really awful songs that I shouldn't even like, but I listen to them anyway.

Things that make me smile

I realize the last post was a bit dark, so I should say that I'm doing fine and there is no need to worry (so no more panicked phone calls will be necessary:) Seasons of sorrow are normal and just another part of life. I should also clarify that there were 5 fatalities in the shootings this weekend, not 6 as I wrote. Sorry for the typo.

There are a lot of things that make me smile lately. Here are just a few:

Chloe playing in the snow. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it at first, but now she loves prancing in it.

The song "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon. That catchy beat makes me walk like I'm cool.

The National Sports Center for the Disabled. I'll be teaching ski lessons through the program starting in January. First step: try and remember how to ski after 7 years of snowboarding. Sounds like a good challenge.

Wedding planning. I'm not paying for anything and I'm not in the wedding, so it is really fun to just be along for the ride.