Preparation for Labor

As I prepare and hope for a drug free childbirth, I've discovered that just about anything can be turned into practice for labor. The key is to turn frustrating, painful, or challenging situations into learning opportunities and a chance to test your perseverance. As Kimmy Schmidt would say, "Take everything 10 seconds at a time. If you can make it through the next 10 seconds, just start another 10 seconds." 

Or, one minute, since that's how long a typical contraction lasts.

The following is an account of a date night at an Italian eatery. I used this opportunity as preparation for labor. Oh, sweet honey on a rock, you better believe this story is full of first world problems.

Our date started with an early movie and then we ventured over to the nearest Italian restaurant for dinner.  The parking lot was massive which should have been my first clue things would not go well for us there. The key to dining out in Austin is to pick a place that has bad parking. Others will be discouraged by the parking spot hunt and will head to the 'burbs where urban sprawl caters to their parking needs. At this particular restaurant, on the cusp of suburbia, we found a spot right away, up close. Bad news, bears.

We checked in with the hostess and she said it would be about a 30-40 minute wait. Not bad, we thought. So we made our way to the waiting area where I sat in the only available chair. Being 9 months pregnant, I didn't feel at all bad about taking the only chair.

We waited and waited and waited. People with reservations breezed past us. We waited some more. 50 minutes later our name was called. 50! That's 10-20 minutes longer than we were told. I realize this isn't that big of a deal. But when you have the pregnancy hanger, every precious minute counts. As I sat there waiting, I tapped into that labor preparation tactic. I realized the hostess just gave us an estimated time when our table would be ready.

This is a lot like estimated due dates.

40 weeks after you conceive a child, an estimated due date is given. The key here is estimate, since very few babies are actually born on their due date. So it is very possible to still be pregnant beyond your due date. This is where many women start to get anxious and desperate and give up on keeping those hormones under control. Understandably so. It's not the funnest thing to carry the weight of a bowling ball on your pelvis.

So as our wait time to be seated extended beyond the hostess' estimate, I reminded myself that this is good practice in case I go beyond my due date. I needed to invoke patience and perseverance. And, to tide me over, I ate a few mints from the lovely bowl on the table next to my chair.

Once our name was called, I was washed with a wave of relief. I eyed the plates of other patrons as we made our way to the table. Our server greeted us and asked us how long we had to wait. I thought about giving her my honest answer, but decided not to go there. However, I was irritated that she asked. It was obvious that we didn't have reservations, so we obviously waited a long time. Don't ask, Italian Eatery server. Just thank us for dining there and take our drink order.

This felt a lot like the question "Have you had your baby yet?"

Let me tell you something. Pregnant women do not like this question. Especially if you are asking it to her face. Clearly you are trying to be cute because you can see that she has not had her baby. But when you are that pregnant, it is really hard to find any humor in the question.

Moving on.

The server took our drink order and said she would bring out a fresh bread basket. I began to salivate thinking about that bread basket. I was so excited to gnaw on some food to calm my rumbly belly.

But the bread basket never came.

I could have asked her for it, but my midwife's voice popped in my head reminding me to watch the carbs. So I decided I could live without the bread basket.

This felt like good preparation for being in labor and not being able to eat anything but ice chips. At the birthing center, I can eat whatever I can/want during labor, but I still want to mentally prepare for the possibility of a hospital birth where eating isn't an option. I may still sneak some GU in just in case.

I'm guessing labor and childbirth will be like running a marathon, where the nasty taste of GU is irrelevant. 

The server took our food order and we waited a seemingly longer than necessary time for the food to arrive. This may have been my pregnancy hanger talking, but it felt like a long time. Especially as we watched other tables receive their food.

This felt a lot like stalled labor.

I've heard things can progress in labor and then stop for a while, or even altogether. Labor progression doesn't always happen in linear fashion, so when the restaurant manager brought a tray of food to us that wasn't ours, I told myself, this is just preparation for those stops and starts that may occur.

Once we got our dinner, it was fine, but nothing to write about. Our opinion of the food was probably tainted by our unimpressive experience.

When all was said and done, we didn't waste anytime paying the bill and getting out of there. We headed to another restaurant to pick up a slice of cheesecake to take home, hoping that sweet goodness would redeem our evening.

You know what? It did.

It was like that incredible moment when the baby is finally born and you've got her in your arms and you totally forget the brutal experience you just went through. Babies are lot like cheesecake in that way.

There are a plethora of ways to prepare for childbirth. I prefer a little humor. And a lot of cheesecake.