A Theology of Marriage

For my Pastoral Celebrations course, I had to write my theology of marriage. This task is especially relevant as I prepare for marriage. Here is what I got.

My Theology of Marriage

Marriage seems to be a process. In the Christian life we go through the lengthy, never ending process of sanctification. In a similar manner, marriage is a process in which two people grow together and learn to love and respect each other over time. I write this reflection as an engaged woman, set to be married in 3 months. There is no doubt my thoughts will change once we have been married for 3 days, 3 years and 3 decades. But for now, this is my theology of marriage.

My theology of marriage starts with who we are as creatures and what we are designed to do. Genesis tells us that we are created in the image of God, both male and female. So then, to understand ourselves we must look to the triune God for answers. In our tradition, we recognize a God who is three in one and one in three. The three persons of the trinity work together in relationship, a perichoritic dance of self-giving love. God does not exist as an isolated being, but is in constant relationship. If we are created in the image of God, then we too function in relationship with others, not as isolated beings. Thus the need for marriage. When two people join together in marriage, they are living into the way God intends us to be. They are making a commitment to living in relationship, where both parties offer that self-giving love.

It is important to note that there is no hierarchy within the trinity. One person is not dominant over the other, and so it should be with marriage. The relationship in marriage should be an equal partnership, one in which both people are given voice and value and are accountable to serving the other. The idea is that both people should offer themselves to the other in an act of love. Romans 12 is a helpful passage to explain how this should be when it says “offer yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God.” It goes on to speak about humility and not valuing yourself over another. Thus marriage should be an act of mutual submission, where both people are putting the needs of the other first. This is a challenging task to balance, but is an example of the complexity of marriage.

The act of mutual submission can only be accomplished when the relationship is grounded in love. Jesus tells us the two greatest commandments are to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves. Thus, all that we do should be grounded in love. This is something much deeper than lust, which is shallow and temporary. The love we are to have for one another is a spiritual love. We know what love is because God first loved us. 1 John 3:16 says that God’s sacrificial love is the source for our understanding. We are to imitate that love by laying down our lives for one another, something that is accomplished in marriage through the sacrifices the partners make for each other.

Finally, discipleship and community are crucial for marriage to be sacred. “For Christians, marriage is a covenant through which [two people] are called to live out together before God their lives of discipleship.” (Book of Order, W-4.9000) This notion of discipleship tells us that marriage is a form of vocation. Understood it in that way, we realize that we are not just called to “put up with each other” in marriage. Instead we are called to work on the marriage and see how each person grows and matures in their faith through that partnership. But the couple are not in isolation, because the marriage is something that is witnessed and nurtured by the worshiping community. Worship and glorification of God is best done in community, and thus married partners are able to fulfill that call together. Thus the reason the wedding ceremony is witnessed by the body of believers and the marriage partners are held accountable by the community as they grow in their love and commitment to each other.

So then, marriage is to be understood in light of the Trinity, as a partnership for love and humble service. It is an opportunity to grow with one another and more fully live in to our humanity. It is a vocation that we are called to, one which nurtures a life of discipleship. When done in community, it will thrive. Despite the celebrity world making a mockery of marriage, the church still has an opportunity to display the sacred call of marriage as it encourages its members to approach marriage with deep respect and honor.