Today my fiance and I hosted an engagement party open house. We've been trying to figure out a way to celebrate our wedding with all of our loved ones here in Austin. Our solution was to throw a party and entice the guests with food. It worked.
For four hours, the house was filled with friends and family, and new friends and new family. We were able to blend our communities by inviting them in to share our joy. It was overwhelming at moments and I was exhausted by the end of it, but it was worth it. At a few points, I looked around admiring the wonderful people we are blessed with. I think it is fortunate if a person can have 5 friends to love and be loved by. We are blessed by an abundance of such friends.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The Fam
My parents are coming into town today, primarily to meet my fiance's parents, but also to see the beautiful city of Austin. I couldn't be more excited! It is a bit of a rough time in the semester to be hosting them, but my hope is that I'll be able to put aside the anxiety of the looming tests and sermons.
They fill my heart with joy.
They fill my heart with joy.
Friday, February 24, 2012
I was run-nang!
Tonight I went for a 15 mile run. Now, I don't call myself a runner. If you know me, you know I'm not exactly built for running. I don't have a physique which allows me run like a gazelle. But I love a good challenge. So I'm training for a marathon which will take place in May. My beloved and I will be running together which will make it even more special.
I never thought I'd say that running for 2.5 hours would be fun, but I really enjoyed it today. I ran from our campus to Town Lake, did the loop all the way around the lake and ran back to campus. It was such a lovely mix of city and nature, which kept me focused and entertained.
The interesting thing about running these days is that I don't think about wedding plans. It seems like 70% of my time these days is spent working on wedding plans, but somehow my runs are exempt from that. It is a time when I can just let my mind wander. I can focus on my legs taking one step after another. I can feel my body getting stronger. It is a therapeutic time.
We'll see if I feel the same way once I get up to 17, 18, 20 miles!
I never thought I'd say that running for 2.5 hours would be fun, but I really enjoyed it today. I ran from our campus to Town Lake, did the loop all the way around the lake and ran back to campus. It was such a lovely mix of city and nature, which kept me focused and entertained.
The interesting thing about running these days is that I don't think about wedding plans. It seems like 70% of my time these days is spent working on wedding plans, but somehow my runs are exempt from that. It is a time when I can just let my mind wander. I can focus on my legs taking one step after another. I can feel my body getting stronger. It is a therapeutic time.
We'll see if I feel the same way once I get up to 17, 18, 20 miles!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My Jam Meltdown
It all started with a jar of Smucker’s Strawberry jam.
I was standing in the aisle at the grocery store, surveying the selection of jams. I’m partial to Smucker’s and was trying to decide between two sizes. The larger of the two was definitely the better value. But then a thought hit me: I’m only going to need enough jam to last me for three months. I have three months before I move into my fiance’s house and consolidate our stuff. Do I really want to bring a half-full jar of jam to his house? Does he even like jam for that matter? What if I’m marrying a man who does not like jam? What if he likes a different brand? Will that be a point of contention between the two of us? What else will be issues? Which dishes we hand wash vs put in the dishwasher? How we prefer the toilet paper on the holder (over vs under)? How we save for retirement? How we raise our children?
At this point I was still standing in the grocery store, staring at these jars of jam, with my mind panicking, wondering I know my fiance well enough. I was having a mini-meltdown, the first I’ve had since becoming engaged. I’ve heard it is normal and even healthy to have episodes like this before getting married. Releasing and acknowledging anxiety is a good thing. Studies show that if pregnant women have nightmares about their baby, they will have a shorter and easier labor, having released some of the anxiety they have built up.
I wonder if this jam-pondering-meltdown is a healthy thing. I have no doubt that we’re making the right decision in getting married. The other night at our first premarital counseling session we were both asked to list the top ten reasons we want to marry the other person. I had a hard time limiting it to only ten. But I’m also not ignorant to how difficult marriage is going to be and the major adjustment it is going to require.
I should ask my beloved if he likes jam. If he prefers a different flavor or brand, I suppose we could keep two jars in our fridge. Compromise is good.
I was standing in the aisle at the grocery store, surveying the selection of jams. I’m partial to Smucker’s and was trying to decide between two sizes. The larger of the two was definitely the better value. But then a thought hit me: I’m only going to need enough jam to last me for three months. I have three months before I move into my fiance’s house and consolidate our stuff. Do I really want to bring a half-full jar of jam to his house? Does he even like jam for that matter? What if I’m marrying a man who does not like jam? What if he likes a different brand? Will that be a point of contention between the two of us? What else will be issues? Which dishes we hand wash vs put in the dishwasher? How we prefer the toilet paper on the holder (over vs under)? How we save for retirement? How we raise our children?
At this point I was still standing in the grocery store, staring at these jars of jam, with my mind panicking, wondering I know my fiance well enough. I was having a mini-meltdown, the first I’ve had since becoming engaged. I’ve heard it is normal and even healthy to have episodes like this before getting married. Releasing and acknowledging anxiety is a good thing. Studies show that if pregnant women have nightmares about their baby, they will have a shorter and easier labor, having released some of the anxiety they have built up.
I wonder if this jam-pondering-meltdown is a healthy thing. I have no doubt that we’re making the right decision in getting married. The other night at our first premarital counseling session we were both asked to list the top ten reasons we want to marry the other person. I had a hard time limiting it to only ten. But I’m also not ignorant to how difficult marriage is going to be and the major adjustment it is going to require.
I should ask my beloved if he likes jam. If he prefers a different flavor or brand, I suppose we could keep two jars in our fridge. Compromise is good.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Lent 2012
The "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" aspect of Ash Wednesday has got me thinking about dust. It occurs to me that this blog has become rather dusty lately. I have left it abandoned not because I haven't had anything to say, but because I have been ridonkulously busy for the past 6 weeks. But this season of Lent is causing me to pause and contemplate. I'd like to share some of those contemplations with you, hopefully posting each day of Lent. This is not "what I'm doing for Lent." That is between me and God. This is just a healthy exercise in getting my thoughts on paper, er screen.
Let me get you up to speed.
January was spent doing an internship at a hospital. It was an 8-5 chaplain gig, which was one of the most valuable learning experiences I've ever had, and also one of the most exhausting. I was emotionally drained at the end of the day, but would muster up the energy to study for ordination exams.
Which takes us to the major stress in my life lately, the ords. The Presbyterian ordination process requires all candidates to pass 5 ordination exams. The first is the Bible content exam, which I passed last January, and the other four are called the senior exams. Most Presbyteries require that all four be taken at the same time. The topics include Theology, Worship/Sacraments, Polity and Exegesis. The first three are three hours each and the fourth is a take home which you have five days to complete. As you can imagine, it is very stressful to take nine hours worth of exams in two days and then have to carry on for another five days by diving deeply into a Biblical text. I'm exhausted just reminiscing on it! Having completed them, I now dwell in that liminal space of waiting to hear if I passed them or not. I won't find out until mid March. I'm doing my best not to think about it, knowing there's nothing I can do but wait.
In other news, I got engaged! This is very exciting and I couldn't be more joyful, but it has also added wedding planning onto my already full schedule. Not that I'm complaining, I love it so far. I'll be posting on that in the coming days.
And then there is school. We're into week 2 and I'm already overwhelmed by quizzes and presentations and sermons. I'm taking a full-time load and continuing my internship at a local congregation.
All of that should provide plenty of material for blogging in the next 40 days or so...
Let me get you up to speed.
January was spent doing an internship at a hospital. It was an 8-5 chaplain gig, which was one of the most valuable learning experiences I've ever had, and also one of the most exhausting. I was emotionally drained at the end of the day, but would muster up the energy to study for ordination exams.
Which takes us to the major stress in my life lately, the ords. The Presbyterian ordination process requires all candidates to pass 5 ordination exams. The first is the Bible content exam, which I passed last January, and the other four are called the senior exams. Most Presbyteries require that all four be taken at the same time. The topics include Theology, Worship/Sacraments, Polity and Exegesis. The first three are three hours each and the fourth is a take home which you have five days to complete. As you can imagine, it is very stressful to take nine hours worth of exams in two days and then have to carry on for another five days by diving deeply into a Biblical text. I'm exhausted just reminiscing on it! Having completed them, I now dwell in that liminal space of waiting to hear if I passed them or not. I won't find out until mid March. I'm doing my best not to think about it, knowing there's nothing I can do but wait.
In other news, I got engaged! This is very exciting and I couldn't be more joyful, but it has also added wedding planning onto my already full schedule. Not that I'm complaining, I love it so far. I'll be posting on that in the coming days.
And then there is school. We're into week 2 and I'm already overwhelmed by quizzes and presentations and sermons. I'm taking a full-time load and continuing my internship at a local congregation.
All of that should provide plenty of material for blogging in the next 40 days or so...
Sunday, January 15, 2012
MLK jr Birthday Reflection
Today I lament because of blisters. Blisters in and of themselves are worth lamenting over, because they're rather painful and annoying. I happen to have two matching blisters, one on each foot, thanks to a 9.5 mile run I did this morning.
But these blisters are causing me to lament over the sad reality of privilege and racism in our society, especially how I participate in that system.
Yes, going from blisters to racism is a rather big leap, but allow me to explain. I went to the drugstore to purchase some type of moleskin to alleviate my blister situation. There were only a few options, the best one being a product from Dr. Scholl's. Here is a picture of the packaging:
Do you notice the "Nearly invisible" phrase on the box? Well, it isn't false advertising. If you're Caucasian. This blister bandage really does blend in to my peachy flesh. Which is nice, because it doesn't draw unwanted attention to my feet. But if your skin is darker, say a lovely shade of black, this bandage isn't going to be invisible on your skin. It will be quite apparent. Just like most of the other bandages on the shelves of drugstores and in the supply rooms of hospitals.
Our society still defines the norm for skin color as white. And so these bandage makers get away with declaring that their products blend in, nearly invisibly, when applied to skin. I lament because I participate in this system which perpetuates privilege. By purchasing this product, I have said "yes" to racism. I have done my part to perpetuate injustice.
A few decades after MLKjr's time, we've come a long way. But we've got a long way to go.
But these blisters are causing me to lament over the sad reality of privilege and racism in our society, especially how I participate in that system.
Yes, going from blisters to racism is a rather big leap, but allow me to explain. I went to the drugstore to purchase some type of moleskin to alleviate my blister situation. There were only a few options, the best one being a product from Dr. Scholl's. Here is a picture of the packaging:
Do you notice the "Nearly invisible" phrase on the box? Well, it isn't false advertising. If you're Caucasian. This blister bandage really does blend in to my peachy flesh. Which is nice, because it doesn't draw unwanted attention to my feet. But if your skin is darker, say a lovely shade of black, this bandage isn't going to be invisible on your skin. It will be quite apparent. Just like most of the other bandages on the shelves of drugstores and in the supply rooms of hospitals.
Our society still defines the norm for skin color as white. And so these bandage makers get away with declaring that their products blend in, nearly invisibly, when applied to skin. I lament because I participate in this system which perpetuates privilege. By purchasing this product, I have said "yes" to racism. I have done my part to perpetuate injustice.
A few decades after MLKjr's time, we've come a long way. But we've got a long way to go.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Chaplain Tears
It took four days, just four, for this class to lead me to tears. I held it in those first three days but this day, this less than stellar fourth day caused me to cry tonight.
There wasn't anything particularly awful about today. I did rounds on both my units, met with a few patients. Encountered a patient who is Southern Baptist and was clearly offended by the idea of an ovary-bearing-soon-to-be-ordained-chaplain. I brushed that off, realizing this isn't about me.
It's about the patients. It's about these people who are lying in their hospital beds, immersed in anguish and pain. Facing terminal diagnoses and transfers to places where they will likely die. This is about them. It's about being, encouraging and praying.
I pray for strength to carry through the next three weeks of this course. As I wake up each day, uncertain of what the hours hold for me, I pray. And I hope that my interactions with these patients is nurturing. That they will glean some comfort. That I will do more good than harm. It's a tricky thing, this chaplain business.
There wasn't anything particularly awful about today. I did rounds on both my units, met with a few patients. Encountered a patient who is Southern Baptist and was clearly offended by the idea of an ovary-bearing-soon-to-be-ordained-chaplain. I brushed that off, realizing this isn't about me.
It's about the patients. It's about these people who are lying in their hospital beds, immersed in anguish and pain. Facing terminal diagnoses and transfers to places where they will likely die. This is about them. It's about being, encouraging and praying.
I pray for strength to carry through the next three weeks of this course. As I wake up each day, uncertain of what the hours hold for me, I pray. And I hope that my interactions with these patients is nurturing. That they will glean some comfort. That I will do more good than harm. It's a tricky thing, this chaplain business.
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