A Few Hours of Freedom

I just put my baby to bed for the night and am breathing a huge sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong, I love my kiddo. But I also love the time between when she goes to bed until I go to bed. They are the only predictable hours of the day. A sure bet that I'll have time for myself and time to spend with my husband.

We have slowly worked her bedtime back from 9:30pm and are currently hitting 8:20pm. The extra hour has done wonders for my sanity and so has her decent sleep pattern overnight. Those nights of waking up every few hours seem but a distant memory. I remember reaching a point when I never thought I'd sleep more than 3 hours at a time again. I think that was during the 4 month sleep regression which was a doozy. It's all sort of a blur at this point.

So here I sit on a Friday night, with a glass of wine and my Netflix ready to stream. My husband is at the Austin City Limits Music Festival, where I would be if baby weren't in the picture. This is the first year I've not attended ACL since I moved here 6 years ago. A little piece of me is sad to miss it, but then my introvert side is happily avoiding the crowds and enjoying a night in. 

The funny thing is I was a homebody before baby came along. I'm not one for crazy nights out on 6th Street, so the adjustment to nights at home with baby wasn't terribly dramatic. I'm actually sort of glad for the excuse. 

But realizing my time is no longer my own has been my most difficult adjustment. I can't just go about my day, free to do whatever I want anymore. Now baby's needs are a priority and oftentimes they interfere with things I'd like to be doing or need to be doing. Like weeding the front yard, which has become a disaster zone, much to my neighbors' dismay.  I've already had to give up a part time job that I loved, simply because the logistics of childcare and pumping breastmilk got to be too much of a pain. I know there are other things I'll have to set aside as time goes on. 

Motherhood is a joy, but it isn't always fun.