During pregnancy, I spent a ridiculous amount of time reading and researching childbirth. It was a topic that fascinated me, and since I was going to go through the experience in a few months, I figured I better read up on it. It occurred to me that the decisions I made for childbirth were some of the first important decisions I'd be making as a mother. I got a bit anxious about this, not wanting to mess up my child because I opted for a certain treatment or declined another. It doesn't help when you read the internet comments that blast women for just about everything.
From the start I never thought there was a superior way to approach childbirth. Sure, there are healthier ways to go about it, but this idea that one way is better than all others is absurd. It seems to me that the fact that a woman carries a child inside of her and then that child leaves her body and survives is nothing short of a miracle. Seriously. It is the weirdest and most amazing thing I can fathom.
But, I did believe that there was a best way for me to go about childbirth.
For me, giving birth in a hospital was the last thing I wanted to do. I don't have anything against hospitals, I think they're pretty great. I just had a hard time viewing myself as a "patient" in need of treatment. My primary experience in the hospital is as a spiritual care provider, tending to the spiritual pain of those who are ill and dying as well as their families. My understanding of the hospital may be a bit skewed, but I view it as a place where people go when they are sick. I didn't see myself as sick while pregnant, and I was told I was a low-risk pregnancy, so it didn't seem necessary to give birth in the hospital. The comedian Jim Gaffigan has a poignant joke about his wife choosing to give birth at home, partially because she didn't want to give birth while wearing a hospital gown that someone probably died in. I totally get that.
So I was hesitant to give birth in the hospital, plus I had two experiences to further steer me away.
The first was my experience with my OB/GYN. Nice person, but super busy and I never walked away from appointments feeling like a whole person. Maybe it was the fact that she'd have her hands up my who-ha while talking about her morning commute, or maybe it was the fact that I'd ask a question and before I finished she'd spout out some generic answer that didn't really have to do with what I was asking. The whole experience felt very impersonal and it made me hesitant to continue with her services once I got pregnant. I know not all OB/GYNs are like this, but if the hospital experience was going to be anything like that, I wanted none of it.
The second experience was hearing stories from other women who gave birth in the hospital and felt like their decisions weren't honored or they were pressured into actions that they didn't want to take. I knew I didn't want to be strapped down to the bed with a fetal monitor, because being able to move around is comforting to me. It helped me get through those nearly 42 weeks of pregnancy, as I hiked Mt. Bonnell over and over toward the end. I also knew I didn't want drugs to numb the pain because I believed I could do it on my own. I've heard some women say they'd rather give birth again over running another marathon, after having experienced both. I'd completed a marathon before, and it was the most grueling physical experience I'd had so far. If other women said childbirth was more doable, I thought I could handle it.
So I didn't want to have the baby in the hospital, but home birthing was a bit too granola and risky for my husband to agree to. Having her at the birthing center was a lovely negotiation.
I have friends who had their babies at the birthing center and had phenomenal experiences there. Even the ones who had to transfer to the hospital in the end spoke about how thankful they were for the care they received. The prenatal care goes above and beyond what I'd heard about elsewhere, as they take their time with each family, going over physical, emotional, and spiritual elements of their pregnancy experience. I was fortunate to participate in a Centering group which added to the experience and gave me insta-friends in the other mamas who were expecting around the same time. I'm a sucker for community building, and so I can't speak highly enough for the opportunity.
All this is to say, the birthing center experience felt like home to me, with the added bonus that once baby was born we could go our own home and not have to clean up after the birthing experience. I look back on that prenatal care as one of the most formative experiences for me thus far.
And then I became one of those mamas who rave about the birthing center, even though I didn't get to have baby there in the end. More on that tomorrow.
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