Tonight I write from a motel room with baby girl asleep and rains encroaching on the town from hurricane Patricia. Thankfully this hotel has a door in between the bed area and the sink area, so the little one is tucked away in her own "room" while I'm out here trying to put words together for Sunday. My brain is so tired right now, I think I've started and stopped writing this sermon about 10 times now. Looks like it will be another Saturday night preacher party for me tomorrow.
I'm away from home at a Presbytery meeting and because baby is still breastfeeding, she gets to tag along too. Today was her first experience in a daycare setting with other kiddos. Turns out she does not nap when other kids are around, which made for a major meltdown when we got to the motel tonight. Sorry, neighbors on the other side of the wall.
This was the second time I've left her in the hands of someone whom I just met. The first was a few weeks ago when we left her with babysitter in our hotel while we went to a wedding. Today I left her with a woman who was caring for 4 other children at the same time.
I'd like to think I was pretty chill about both situations, but on the inside I was screaming "PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS CHILD AND DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO HER!" I have to say it's pretty weird to be on this side of the exchange, after years and years of babysitting kids as a teenager. And as a pre-teen. Remember when it was acceptable to leave your children with the 12 year old from down the street? I was a pretty mature 12 year old, but still. I'm pretty sure there are 12 year olds today who can't stay at home alone without a babysitter.
I remember those nervous parents who got all worked up leaving their kids in my care. I'd laugh because with the exception of one time when a kiddo broke her arm while under my care, nothing usually happened and the kids were perfectly fine.
Today I left my kiddo in the care of this perfectly lovely woman who didn't speak English and probably didn't understand what I meant when I said I'd be back to nurse baby at 2pm, since she fed baby a 6 ounce bottle of "emergency only milk" right before I got there, causing some major discomfort for me when baby wouldn't nurse at all.
So between engorgement issues and a mind worried about baby, I had a hard time focusing at the Presbytery meeting today. I'm sure I'll reach a point where I look forward to the days of dropping kiddo off at daycare, but for now it feels a bit like I've torn off a piece of myself handed it to someone who doesn't really care about it as much as I do.