My latest Google search was "nipples afraid of teeth." I was sort of hoping a funny cartoon or meme would appear, but I was disappointed with the results. I did the search on behalf of my nipples which are currently freaked out by the fact that baby is cutting her first tooth. When I put my finger in her mouth, it feels like there is a razor blade on her bottom gums. I can only imagine what kind of damage that can do.
Turns out there are tricks that one can use to deter baby from biting, but that means you have to experience it at least once in order to communicate the message to baby that biting is not okay. Just when I started to get the hang of this breastfeeding thing, a new challenge has come up.
Before becoming pregnant, I thought breastfeeding was the most natural thing in the world. I figured carrying and birthing the baby were the hard part. Feeding them would just happen. I thought it was weird that my birthing classes spent so much time on breastfeeding. Wasn't labor more important to learn about?
Turns out I was wrong.
I've yet to meet a woman who has had a super easy experience with breastfeeding. Either they struggled in the beginning, or baby had a tongue/lip tie, or they dealt with supply issues, or had various ailments like clogged ducts and mastitis. I've come to realize it is not the most natural thing in the world and is actually very difficult physically and emotionally. Plus society loves to bring judgment and shame upon women, whether they breastfeed or formula feed. How one feeds her baby should be no one else's business, so long as she is feeding the baby. Seriously.
My biggest troubles were in the beginning. I could not get baby to latch on. Like at all. We had three different hospital lactation consultants try to help us, and all three of them had different advice. Their help seemed to be more of a hindrance.
I later learned that C-sections cause major barriers for breastfeeding. In a "perfect birth," baby will be placed on mom's tummy after making her entrance into the world, and without intervention she will do this amazing crawl to mom's breast and start nursing. I've seen videos. It's miraculous.
But in a C-section, that milk crawl can't happen. The hospital where I had baby didn't practice family-centered C-sections. So there was no chance of delaying the cord cutting (there seems to be a correlations with delaying that and successful breastfeeding), no immediate skin-to-skin or nursing in the OR (baby has to get checked out and weighed), there are drugs pumping through mom's body and baby's (possibly impacts breastfeeding), the IV fluids cause major swelling (making it hard for baby to latch), and mom's belly has been cut open (making it very painful to hold baby and try to nurse with the widely acclaimed cross cradle hold, the only hold I really practiced in birthing class).
Various studies say various things, but they all agree that successful breastfeeding after C-section is significantly lower than after vaginal birth. In one, 71% of women in the study who delivered vaginally were able to breastfeed in the hospital before discharge compared to only 4% of the women who had a C-section. Those numbers are mind boggling, and while they can't name an exact cause, there is definitely a correlation between how soon mom and baby have contact after birth and how well breastfeeding goes.
I was really angry with how my birth experience went, so I was determined to successfully breastfeed. I needed a win, which sadly was more about my own baggage than it was about nourishing my baby.
Since I couldn't get baby to latch, I pumped miniscule amounts of colostrum and then milk after day 2, which we spoon fed to baby. It was absurd, but it mostly worked. The hospital was quite gracious in offering me support and never pressured me to make choices one way or the other. Formula was offered, but I declined, knowing how easy it would be to just give up and go straight to that solution. I now realize that was a little ridiculous of me, and now that I'm out of my postpartum haze I see how wonderful of a gift formula is. Thank God we don't have to let our babies starve because we can't nurse them naturally. Breast may be best, but formula is an amazing alternative.
The hospital probably shouldn't have discharged us, since baby had lost 11% of her body weight. 10% is the cutoff. But the doctor could see that I was stressed out and was concerned that I hadn't slept for more than an hour straight since baby was born. So she suggested I go home and try to get a fresh start.
I am so thankful for her grace.
The next day I got a visit from the birthing center lactation consultant (LC) and one of the midwife assistants. They were absolute saints who changed everything for us.
The LC had me hop in bed and show her what I was doing to try and breastfeed. After a brief attempt she said, "You need a nipple shield" to which I replied, "But all three of the hospital LCs told me not to use those!" to which she replied, "Well they were wrong. Let's put this on so you can feed your baby."
And then I had one of the most holy experiences of my life as baby successful latched on (via plastic shield) and drank the milk I'd produced for her. Tears welled up in my eyes as I finally got to feel this little victory. The LC smiled and the midwife assistant cheered. It was glorious.
The LC came back 3 days later to weigh baby and found that she had returned to birthweight plus a little extra, which means breastfeeding was working and we were back on track.
Those first few weeks were still rocky. I had to use the nipple shield for 2 weeks, which is nothing compared to some mamas who need them for months. And I could only manage to do side-lying position because my belly hurt too much to hold her on it. It was awkward and not at all like the videos I'd seen of women breastfeeding, but it did the trick.
One of the most encouraging things along the way was having friends over (who graciously brought us food!) and seeing some of them breastfeed their babies in our home. I was in awe of their confidence and how easy they made it look. It gave me hope that someday I'd be able to nurse just as easily.
And I did.
After that first month, it did get easier and I have healed from the initial chaffing and weirdness that nursing causes, just in time for them to get messed up by baby teeth. The saga continues.
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